SHIB: a token, a dog, or an ENIGMA?(!)

3 thg 12, 2021

as i was attempting to predict the future of our lovable currency unit represented by another charismatic cartoon dog posing on the face of an intangible coin, i realized this chart in particular was very difficult to interpret. while fibonacciatering, i stared at it for quite some time before the answers fell right into place. as they did, i created the image you see above.

a completely revolutionary concept, SHIB designed this chart to be used as a crypto-obstacle-course-board-game-video-game...thing. you begin this quest in the lower left hand corner, where you are being accosted by Spanish Blue Man Group. from Spain. they have been playing basketball for weeks and they all have to go to bathroom reeeeal bad. they desperately repeat that one question that every conscious human can ask in Spanish: "¿dónde está el baño?" - which is perfectly fine, but you soon realize that you have never had to answer the question.

bolting around the maze indiscriminately, you try to find a way to escape. designed as a labyrinth, you see a single yellow umbrella by the wall. Ted? no. delighted, someone in Spanish Blue Man Group exclaims, "¡Maria Poppins!", and you immediately know what you have to do.

you land softly on a large oyster cracker on the other side of the wall and toss the umbrella aside. once again you hear the sound of a bouncing basketball coming to rest on the floor. astonished, you try not to look bewildered as you lock eyes with all three members of Spanish Blue Woman Group.

they also have to pee.

you do not know how to properly navigate them to the bathroom. you realize you never will.

in the distance you see another yellow umbrella, and you immediately act extremely casual. you put out an overwhelming vibe of, "this is part of a normal day for me", with heavy cool smiles and hyper approval-granting head tilts as you try to slip past the lead PVC piper to get to the umbrella. they sense your desperation, and although you've showed them the most impactful, jarring display of "extremely casual, everything's blasting with normality", you, too, realize that none of you would ever forget quite how casual you were in that moment. you reach for the basketball and kick the holy crap out of it, exploding it. you can no longer hear. using the distraction to make your escape. you land on an oversized oyster cracker. the oyster cracker restores your hearing."what?!", you think to yourself. you didn't have to. because you can hear again. remember the oyster cracker restored your hearing. so you can hear yourself say things again. let's talk about this for a lot longer.

"not agaaaaaaainnnnnnn!!" you say. then you say it again. the irony of your statement hits you like a glove. you begin to play on words. "esto es divertido", you think. you hope you don't ramp it up and start to make things rhyme. it is instantly obvious to you that you are now in the midst of Spanish Blue Sexy College Co-ed Group. they have just dropped their basketball. you begin to party. they begin to party. you are surrounded by hot, sensual phones, and they are all making 1-900 calls. toilet paper streamers are flying through the air. drums are beaten with thick wooden rods, their vibrating skins sending thick streams of hard liquor flying up into the air. you hover your head over the drums and let liquor splash all over your face. it is burning the holy shit out of your eyes. you like it. you don't care if you become blind. you keep repeating "mmmmmmmm", uncontrollably. you hear voices chanting to the rhythm of the drums in exotic tongues. somebody lights a match, and your face ignites. you have never felt anything more enjoyable in your life. as you dance around the room, you begin to take note of what Spanish Blue Sexy College Co-ed Group is calling out over, and over, and over again. suddenly, you feel an almost uncontrollable feeling of nausea as your brain uses pure anxiety to convey the only words you're certain they know you understand: "¿dónde está el baño? ¿dónde está el baño?"

suddenly somehow your face is no longer burning, you are umbrella-ing your way down gently onto another oyster cracker, and you think you hear the word "honkey" from a muffled distance. this game was getting long enough already, so it was really good this all suddenly happened so efficiently, and without any permanent damage done to anything at all. in fact, you have now entered the prime of your life, and have become wealthy.

a gigantic magnet lifts you off of your oyster cracker because somehow you have become magnetic. it lowers you onto another oyster cracker atop an airplane that is mounted upon a rocket ship. it blasts you off to YouTube Infinity Stadium 1.005ABCD. you play four rounds of Enormous Paper, Rock, Scissors. you never lose. you never even have to breathe. but you do breathe after you win the fourth round, and you say, "don't hold your breath..." reeeeal cooool-like, and you are in slow-motion. you realize that what you have just said only mildly makes sense to say in that situation. you will probably think of something way better in the shower tomorrow. you like that.

you bring your trophy, Maxwell's Actual Silver Hammer with you. it is actual. literally. even though it's way heavier than you ever conceived anything could ever be, it doesn't bother you that you are becoming exhausted and have to leave it somewhere. Lumiere and Cogsworth are waiting for you, ready to welcome you to the upper right hand corner, where you will stay for a really long time. you thought there would be a dog here instead. you never see a dog there.

anyhoo, that's my prediction for days 25 and 26, i'm assuming November. and for hours of the clock: 18 o'clock, 06 o'clock, 12 o'clock, 18 o'clock...B, 06 o'clock B, and another 12B. there are other numbers, and oh yeah there was a magical bridge where you have to sing Shooby Taylor through a bullhorn and it will appear and you can get over those other lines.

just goes to show you!